drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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