I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize