whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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