The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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