I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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