Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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