ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize