I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize