well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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