Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize