I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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