someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
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they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
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This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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