Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
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I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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