is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
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Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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