I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
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He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
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I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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