Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
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Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In other news, I just burned my penis
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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