Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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