Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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