margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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