dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize