watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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