Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
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Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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