Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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