Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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