before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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