I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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