fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
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No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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