your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize