The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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