I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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