the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize