The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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