My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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