i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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