Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
please don't ironically join a cult
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