the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He shit in the fireplace
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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