I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize