my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize