just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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