i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
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My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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