i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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