If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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