Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
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When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He kissed a someone with a penis
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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