I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
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Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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