I wish I could teleport
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
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I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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