well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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