i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
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WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sex in the backyard? Check.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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