don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
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$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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