when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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