dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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